Love In The Time of Pandemics: How Couples Can Keep The Fire Burning Despite Lockdowns and Long-Distance Relationships
A lot of not so beautiful things happen to the world as it is, but to be honest, having to face a pandemic during this century is the last thing that we—and probably you as well—have least expected. And while it is normal for everyone to feel anxious and restless by the fear it has brought, it also has other effects that may not be as life-threatening but can be equally stressful.
Case in point: taking care of relationships at the moment. Whether you are quarantining with your special someone or are forced not to see them as often as you’d like because of the lockdown, the new restrictions placed in response to the virus has been affecting couples on both sides of the coin. Partners who prefer seeing each other physically now have to deal with the distance and those who live together suddenly are forced to stay together with barely any room for personal space. Both are hard, and with the current overall anxiety going on, can cause strain in relationships.
Feeling smothered by the situation is normal, but there are a lot of things that you can do to deal with it. Here are some tips that you can follow to keep your relationship intact during these hard times.
1. Make the time to keep in touch BUT give yourselves your own space.
This applies regardless if you are staying in with your partner or not. It’s easy to want to talk 24/7 if this is the first time you’re spending so much time apart, but believe it or not, it is healthier to give yourself time to breathe and do your own things like normal. Spending every minute and second of your waking day together can feel smothering in the long run, especially so if you’re not so clear cut on your personal boundaries.
Making a strict schedule of when you should talk can be a little too overkill but there’s nothing wrong about developing your separate routines, at least for now. If you’re not currently together, make it a point to call each other after you log off work, for example, so you could catch up about each other’s days. If you’re doing this quarantine together, at least set-up separate workspaces so you could have your own zones, at least temporarily.
2. Be creative with your dates.
In a time of fast WiFi and online calls, going out doesn’t always mean you should be literally “out” together. Don’t let the flames die by making sure you still spend some special time together. Watch Netflix after a long day or whip up a special meal (apart or together) and sit down to share it! If you really want to take it up a notch, you can even dress up together to make the date feel even more special. Don’t be afraid to go all-out fancy. Really, we’re living in a time where everything seems out of normal. A little bit of flair here and there won’t hurt.
3. Make future plans together.
It is so easy to feel anxious by the current situation because of the uncertainty that follows it but do know that all of these are temporary. One of the ways that you can keep yourself grounded is by making future plans together to send your subconscious a message that better times are ahead. Make future travel plans together, or better yet, plan your wedding ahead if that is not much of an intimidating topic for the two of you to talk about! You don’t have to take the plans seriously, but they do help in making you look forward to better things ahead.
4. Have meaningful conversations.
This may sound cheesy, but actually going deep in conversation with your beau can actually be helpful at the moment. It’s easy to run out of juice if all your conversations don’t go beyond the usual “how are you’s” and “how has your day been”—also, let’s admit it, nothing much really happens to us now while locked in our own homes—so take the chance to strike up a meaningful conversation with your partner. You don’t need to go on full “therapy” with them, but you can go a little deeper and get to know about them more. Ask them about their life goals. Better yet, do them a little favor by telling them what you love most about them. In a time when our connections are challenged, it is important to go deeper and look for something more.
5. Have fun together.
Regardless of whether you are staying together with your partner or quarantining separately from them, it is important to make it a point to keep the connection alive and well by having your fair share of fun. If there is one good thing the lockdown brings, it’s that we actually have more time to spend with our beau and or with ourselves—either way, you can get pretty nice self-realizations once all of these ends. Work hard to keep the connection alive by spending it with meaning. Play board games together.
If you’re living under the same roof, try to one-up each other with sweet surprises every other day. Document your life together with photos and compile everything together in an online photo album. Go on a full-on honeymoon phase. It is hard to see the good in things when everything feels so dull and hopeless but you have to do your part and try to see the good in the situation.
Relationships being put in the line is something nobody expected to face in a time like this but with the right perspective and set of actions, every couple can go through this in one piece. The key is to acknowledge that your fears and anxieties are valid and that it doesn’t make you a bad partner if you feel smothered or frustrated by the current situation. In the end, what really defines you is how you handle things.